I was involved with someone 25 years older than me when i was 32. His kids were grown and he hadn't slept with his wife in 10 years. I used these arguments to justify it in my head - I am not ruining anything that wasn't already ruined. I was very alone and I had bad daddy issues and he gave me just the right kind of attention. Shortly enough, I discovered that he was a long term cheater (his previous affair lasted 6 years and he kept promising her that he would leave his wife but never did) and he became emotionally abusive. It was not all bad, but he was controlling, sexually frustrated and overall a very messy indvidual. Funnily enough, I stopped having penetrative sex with him 3 months into the affair bc it felt humiliating to me. He also needed enhancement pills for when we had sex. The affair lasted 3 years. I did not leave him bc I was afraid I would lose the attention and validation. He talked a lot ab himself and his feelings and I think that is what kept him hooked as well, that I was listening. I guess my body couldn't take it anymore and I puked while he was ranting one day. I knew I was not ok. When my dad died, he became distant. He said he withdrew bc he had the realization that I am not sleeping with him any time soon and he became depressed. (Mind you, he was incapable for the most part) I felt very guilty for polluting my father's death with concern over his behavior. I ended it and he wrote to me this summer and I sent him a very vile text. It was a very strange time in my life and I think the main takeaway for me is that I need to love myself enough so as not to look for validation from other people. The experience isolated me a lot bc I couldn't share with anyone and my anxiety was through the roof. I lost a friendship in the midst of that bc I was acting weird. That's the story. :) I do not feel guilty, but the whole thing was a huge learning lesson for me. Oh, and it happened at work too.