She is nuts and not your friend.
Why did my house guest behave this way? I (30F) recently hosted a friend, “Kate” (60sF), at my house for the first time. We’ve been friends for a while and have a good connection—she’s hosted me at her flat before and was very kind. I wanted to make her stay special. I cleaned, prepared the spare room, bought cherries (she loves them), planned a nice evening, and was looking forward to a slow morning together the next day. The evening was okay—we went out for dinner, played Scrabble, chatted. But there were a few small things that felt off:
· She moved things around in my house without asking. · She declined the cherries I bought specifically for her rudely as she was leaving · She corrected me for leaving my straighteners on the floor the last time I stayed at her place (they were turned off—no damage). · She was fussy and particular throughout.
Then the next morning, she woke me up at 7:30am and told me she was leaving immediately. She said she’d woken up at 5am, couldn’t sleep, and wanted to go home. She left within minutes. I was taken aback—I’d planned a nice breakfast and had expected her to leave around 12pm. She said she’d had a lovely time, but I felt like I’d just been dismissed. Since then:
· She didn’t text to say she got home safe. · She didn’t pay me back for dinner (I had to remind her). · She sent a long text about the sofa bed being too hard and recommending expensive mattress toppers. It read like an Amazon review. · No proper thank you, no apology for leaving early, no acknowledgement of my effort.
I’m really hurt. I feel like I went out of my way for her, and she treated me like a hotel—critiquing the bed, adjusting the space, and leaving without warning. I have a ticket to a gig in a few weeks and was supposed to stay at her house after. I’ve decided I want to sort my own accommodation instead—I just don’t feel comfortable staying with her after this. I also plan to tell her, if she brings it up, that I don’t think she should stay at my house again—but that I’d still be open to day trips or meals out. What do you think about pulling back and not inviting her back? Or am I being too harsh—like, maybe she just had a bad night, or I’m overreacting because I’m too sensitive?
Friend stayed with me, was fussy, left early, didn’t thank me, critiqued my sofa bed, and made me feel like I failed. I don’t want her to stay again.
She is nuts and not your friend.
I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sounds terrible and you're completely justified. But what are straighteners on the floor?
Thank you. So you know hair tongs? They had cooled down and I left them on the floor as we were rushing out. Then she brought it up weeks later because she’d gone in my room and noticed them there. Weird.
Flat irons for straightening hair
I'm betting it's not her stay with you. It's about your previous stay with her. It may have been more than the straightener on the floor that she had issues with.
I assure you that I was a good guest
If she was angry about the previous visit then why would she come at all?
Definitely do not stay at her place when you go to the gig. She obviously and rudely distanced herself from you by leaving early and not accepting your gift when she was leaving. You are not her door mat to walk all over.
That's not friendship. You are just people that fell in with eachother and now you are falling out with each other.
My first thought is that she's a "homebody". Perhaps she feels out of sorts when she isn't in her own environment. As some people get older, they really don't like change. I'm sorry she hurt your feelings.
She’s 60. It could be that she’s not good at change. She thought she could enjoy sleeping at your house, but she can’t. If you care about the friendship, tell her how you feel without accusing her. “I’m sorry you didn’t have a very nice stay. I was looking forward to spending time with you. I tried hard to be as good a host to you as you’ve been to me, and I’m upset by the way we left things”
I’m 61. This person was rude, no ifs or buts. She’s old enough to know manners.
You really still want to hang out with her?
The more I think about it, no.
Came here to say this. I had a comparable situation a few years ago (one that I might post one day) that once it was done, I immediately stopped being friends with the guy. No regrets.
That's not a friend. Be glad that trash took itself out.
Honestly, if what you posted is true, you'd be an idiot to ever have her over again. Have you no dignity or self-respect for yourself?
Yes I do, hence why I don’t think she will be returning 😂
Especially with women, I find it hard sometimes to 'communicate' because, there is often this little thing that for one person, is unnoticeable but for another one, it would be a big deal and make them change their whole behavior. I don,t sleep at any freind's place any longer. Hotel for me! And if we go out, even if they insist, I will pay for at least, my part. I hate dramas. Anyway, we don't have both sides of the story but, from what you are describing, I would take a guess and say that she might have been pissed that you asked her to pay her dinner (since she was a guest).
She's a fussy old woman. You might be like her someday. The main thing I'm getting from your story is you may struggle with boundaries and communication. Basically you don't have to tell her you don't want her to stay in your place again. Simply don't invite her again. You don't have to give her a reason why you don't want to stay in her house... Simply book your accommodation and if she asks, just tell her you would rather stay in hotel after the concert. You don't need to give her an excuse. Paying for dinner late isn't really worth complaining about.. no point adding that to the list. One big thing is people can be great friends and fall out on holidays. People can be great friends and fall out when they move in together. Now if you think it's so inexcusable and you don't like this lady, you actually don't have to speak to her ever again and you don't owe her a reason. You can be polite, keep responses to a minimum... Just don't be drawn into imaginary arguments or real arguments. If she confronts you about something and you feel an emotional reaction the best thing you can do is grey rock.. Keep a response to a minimum. Yes. No. Thank you. I'm okay thanks. No thank you. Hope you're well. Etc
If your friend is normally more even tempered and kind, perhaps she was just having a bad night or maybe has back pain? (I'm wondering about her comment on the mattress topper). I can't imagine any of my friends (or even family) being quite so rude, though. I feel like even if you see something you would do differently or have a small critique or complaint that's something to keep to yourself when someone is kind enough to host you in their home. Also, moving around furniture and accessories is just bad manners.
Reading between the lines, it sounds like sofa bed was very uncomfortable and she couldn’t sleep. OP, are you sure this mattress is comfortable enough for an adult to sleep on it?
That is so incredibly rude and shows such a complete and utter disregard for what you did going out of your way to make her stay comfortable. I don't know what kind of a relationship you have with her, but you might want to rethink it. If I were in your position I would send her an email telling her how disappointed I am with her behavior and expressing a desire to pull back from any friendship. See if that gets you an apology, if not you're better off.
Dann.. at first I read ‚nude guest“
Sorry, I'm a bit confused. You invited her over but charged her for dinner?
No, we went out for dinner and she wanted to split the bill. Let me pay, promised to send her half over.
You need to work on your reading comprehension.
Rule number 1 thru 100. Don’t waste time, energy, or emotional effort on people that don’t bring you joy and contentment. Also don’t internalize how you feel and make it about you. Based on what you said, you put in effort, were considerate, and were genuinely being a good friend. You don’t need to feel hurt because it isn’t about your behavior, it’s about your “friend’s” behavior. If the issue comes up it is well within bounds to say exactly why you no longer want to associate with this person. The things she said were inconsiderate and she wasn’t thankful and that’s not someone you want to spend time with. Period. But it’s also not your job to fix anyone. You don’t need to go out of your way to explain to her why her behavior isn’t acceptable.
Talk to her and tell her how hurt you were. You might learn some things about why she felt compelled to act like she did.
Sofa bed are notoriously uncomfortable. You should’ve had a nice mattress topper on it just as she said. You weren’t prepared for overnight company.
I’d mentioned buying a topper before. She was aware it would be bare and said it would be fine.
Oh, please. It was for one night. OP was a considerate and thoughtful host. The fact that she didn't provide a mattress topper doesn't justify being treated so rudely.
Set clear boundaries and don’t hesitate to ask them to leave if they’re being rude. Your home, your rules.
No more overnights. I don't think you need to discuss this with her. Just chalk it up to something that doesn't work. Stick to day trips, meals out, movies, etc.
The 'rating' she gave you tells me she has very little social grace. Don't plan on staying with her again and don't invite her over. If she was upset about something, it's up to her to voice it. It's not your job to chase her and try to figure out what her problem was. She was a poor houseguest and was rude to you. Personally, I would be polite but spend time with other more enjoyable friends.
I dont think you're overreacting but maybe she really is a bad traveler or something else was going on that ypu dont know about it? She's 60 vs your 30, which as a 50+ woman can make HUGE difference literally in an hour's time. I would honestly suggest given it some time, then reach out and ask if she's okay, and maybe gently try to get her to open up by saying 'I felt kind of hurt at the way our last visit ended (try not to immediately blame her) and just wanted to talk about it. Is there something I did or is something going on in your life I dont know about that is causing you distress? I just want to understand what happened. No blame being placed, I'm just confused.' I've learned there's often reasons why as we get older we get crabbier, and part is not wanting to burden people with our problems while not realizing we are ABSOLUTELY not hiding it as well as we think we are, definitely plays into it. We stew in our own juices and convince ourselves its heroic when its irritating EVERYONE. And then people start to pull away and we feel even more alone because no one is being normal- except its US that isnt being normal. Humans by and large are very stupid creatures. Dont assume positive intent: assume stupid intent. Far more likely the answer.
Her behavior was odd. Maybe talk with her and ask for clarification on her behavior. If she doesn't want to talk, then it's your decision if you want to continue the friendship.
She's not your friend. If you keep hanging out with her, this scenario will play out again and again. I can't imagine criticizing a friend who opened their home to me, much less not thanking them.
Yes. Even if she is ‘set in her ways’ and ‘particular’, treating a friend this way is unacceptable. Rude.
Sounds like she was grumpy after a bad night's sleep. Some people do not bother with niceties and just speak openly. They can be hard to bare. It is fair enough if you want to avoid her.
I would just end that relationship.
Give yourself a gift and go no contact with her!
Do you really think so?
My mom is in her 60s and behaves the same way when staying as a guest over someone's house. It is so embarrassing. As shes gotten older shes just gotten worse. I think its an age thing, honestly.
It’s so rude though, regardless of age. I’d let her off but I feel like she’ll do it again.
Do you know about the pineapple ? When you put it out at some point - they are supposed to know they have out stayed their welcome
She sounds exactly like a friend I have/had, similar age gap. We met at my job, she was married to my co-worker and we had a lot to talk about everytime she stopped by. When I would meet up with her one-on-one she was always moody, gave me short answers and generally unpleasant to be around. I don't know if it's her old age, menopause or what, but it's not my problem anymore and so decided to cut her off. The last time she contacted me to hang out, I left her on read and don't regret it.
People will show you who they truly are if you let them, she clearly did
‘If you let them’ - did I invite this perhaps?
A thank you is always given whether you enjoyed your stay or not.She has no manners. Drop her .
wait are rude houseguests the new AI bot story here? i’ve read at least a few this week. interesting.
Oh fgs I’m NOT a BOT!
You’re absolutely correct in your assessment of this ‘friend’. Who needs a person like that in their life?
Why don't you ask her if there is/was a problem?
You paid a small price (dinner, cherries, etc.) to get rid of a toxic person. Consider that a good value for your money. I would never talk to this person again.
Because she couldn’t hide the crazy for another second. At her house, it was Al in her control and she was able to maintain her composure. Out of her element and the instability forced its way to surface. She is old enough to be able to be a good houseguest but because she is not quite right, out it comes.
This is not even what I expected to read. The sofa was hard. She didn’t want cherries? Just let her leave. She needs to text you when she gets home? Are you her mommy?
???? Basic communication? She was rude.
Fix the bed. Drop the 'friend'.
She sounds very ill mannered. I'd feel a bit pissed off after this, too. Maybe she prefers hosting to being hosted? Either way, she was rude and should know better at her age. She's not a teenager having her first night in someone else's home. I'd probably not really bother with messaging her again. If she messages you, leave it a day and then give a brief response and the relationship will fizzle out.
if she can't respect your space and time, maybe she shouldn't be a guest. sounds like she took advantage of your kindness
Throat punch
It sounds like she couldn't get comfortable on your sofa bed and probably didn't sleep at all. I've been in that situation. When the bed is uncomfortable, it just really sucks. Have you tried sleeping in the sofa bed? Because a foam topper solves a lot of problems, and they're not usually that expensive.
I would not make any excuses for her. She’s an adult who could have communicated , politely , if she valued your friendship. Let it go and move on.
This story and everyone's reaction is making me so sad. Was she really that horrible?.You didn't tell us what she moved in your house, Did she rearrange all your furniture? She didn't thank you for having a tidy house or text you when she got home exhausted and probably got right into her own bed to get some sleep. She didn't act how you would act. So now you think she's horrible to be around. She probably doesn't have a ton of friends. She's in her sixties. Old people absolutely need to sleep.
It might be time for 'Kate' to find friends her own age.
Whoa, I thought I saw “nude” house guest!
You’ve learned something about your friend…that you won’t continue to be friends if you stay at one-another’s homes.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. ~Maya Angelou
Wow, she really was super rude. I would put some distance between me and her by not staying with her anymore and not inviting her back. Theres no reason to be that rude. Time for a new friend
One thing I gotta comment on - I've stayed at my friends house but always left early in the morning, as early as possible. I could NOT sleep well at all. Just didn't feel comfortable at all and just wanted to go home ASAP. I dont think its rude. I just dont feel comfortable at some one home.
I just had a feiend of 26 yrs stay with me for a week. Over the years I’ve stayed with her and she’s stayed w/me. 1-2 nights max. She’s very demanding. This last stay was longer b/c of logistics on her end (she was sandwiching in a visit with her son & a trip to Mexico) She lives in N CA. We did have an underatanding that she would help me with things around the house and do some cooking. She is a great cook. I spent $200-$300 on specialty groceries (seafood & expensive meat) for the meals we cooked and we took turns buying if we went out for a bite or coffee. Mind you, she stayed with me a week as a ‘layover’ between her other travels. I wasn't the destination. Anyhow, a mutual friend casually mentioned that said friend told her that she paid for everything during her visit, complained about my partner’s ‘outside’ smoking and shared personal info about my daughter, which she was privey to as a visitor in my home. I am so livid that she would say such things and flat-out lie! I am so angry, I feel violated, and after 26 yrs I don’t think we have the friendship I thought we did. I haven't spoken with her other than briefly. I don’t want to wash a 26-year friendship down the toilet, but I will insist she buy the food SHE eats when she visits and it’s a 2-night max. I will also tell her that whatever she sees or hears beyond the front door in my house stays private. If it weren’t for the histor Inwould never talk to her again, and she certainly wouldn't be welcome in my home.
I would just block her.
Anyone over the age of 40 cannot sleep on a sofa bed. Those things are awful!!!! She probably didn’t realize beforehand that this is what you had for her to sleep on.
Why would you even want to spend time with that person again? Sounds like an awful person.
yeh nah, shes not your friend. Sorry for your loss but, just ghost her now.
For whatever reason, your friend was very physically and emotionally uncomfortable in your home. I have the feeling this would be the case in anyone’s home, not just yours.
I think it’s entirely possible your friend may be somewhat agoraphobic, or even mentally ill.
Because her behavior was so irrational and inappropriate, perhaps you should not take it personally. You can remain friends with her, but obviously never again invite her to spend the night. She obviously just can’t handle it, and the reason probably >!has nothing to do with you.!< inappropriate