I was on SSRI two months ago and my quality of life has improved a lot from when I was undiagnosed and unmedicated. But life happened, and I'm back to square one basically. And right now I don't have the money to see my doctor again or get meds which is fantastic. Even on medication it wasn't like I suddenly found a reason to live or anything I just didn't want to actively kms. Now that's all I can think about. I literally can't get enjoyment out of anything. I can't study or apply to jobs. I just want to be dead. Genuinely, I just need to stop being a pussy and do it. Cause I'd need a literal miracle to "save" me from my own life that wasn't even the consequences of my actions and even then I'd have zero reason to live