im someone who has studied counselling, psychology and other mental health classes as long with real life experience with friends and family and i find it so difficult to find support for my own mental health. ive attempted 3 different medications and theyve just made me feel 10x worst, i took a break of being medicated to just try and reset and since then my gp has passed away which it took me a very long time to feel comfortable opening up to them in the first place, the sessions i had with other professionals made me feel diminished so i know i need professional help so bad but im so weary of it.
i hate that being aware of how i feel and trying to get help somehow makes my struggles less severe. i got diagnosed with moderate depression despite being so heavily suicidal for over a decade, all because i made an effort to get help and havent lost my job. i just dont get how that works, do i need to unemployed to get better support? i know its silly but it feels so humiliating to feel like your struggles aren't good enough or bad enough i guess i should say.
like i know i struggle with substance abuse im so aware of that fact but that doesnt make it easier to stop or feel like i dont need substances to survive, but what because i dont drive while under the influence does that make me less than?