if this isn’t for this sub I’m sorry remove but -
This is a rant of being upset today, I recovered but it took me basically 2 hours And may affect my energy later.
context:
I have been doing pretty well this year. I’ve had a lot happen to me both good and bad. my limits have been tested in my early/mid 20s.
in short, ive also been unfortunate health wise to where it’s impacted me. I have chronic pain syndrome, anxiety, struggle with energy (which is clearly tied to emotional management but feels like even more).
ive dedicated most of the last few years of my life to focus strictly on health.
the results have been great. my pain is less, my anxiety is still there and gets triggered but I have good coping skills and am building a nose on avoiding triggers. I feel better and am close to a “healthy” bmi range and get comments from coworkers, neighbors, friends family that I look a lot better. I’ve gotten stronger too as my body really struggled with even household tasks.
that being said - today I relapsed in anxiety / sad.
it wasn’t bc of work or my health or external stuff that I can’t control.
it was bc I was unhappy with a choice I made.
basically - underneath all this struggle I’ve been overcoming, I realized that today at 27 there’s still flaws from childhood in me that I never really fixed, they just got less important.
in my case… I basically got upset bc I had an opportunity to go to a free concert, but I hesitated. It was an opportunity to bring multiple people but I didn’t know who could come on short notice so I said u can give them out.
the reality is, I wanted the tickets and made plans in my head to go. I was willing to go alone.
tickets got given away, and I found myself suddenly VERY upset and anxious I just ”lost my weekend“ plans and I honestly just spiraled.
through it all, honestly I don’t really care that much about the tickets. I’m upset because I wasn’t assertive and took care of myself.
i don’t know how to be more assertive in random scenarios like that, its just not my nature. It makes me upset when I act weak when it’s not for health reasons.
so I told myself, I need to just sit here and meditate and feel the pain, remember this is what happens if I’m not assertive or whatever.
I don’t know if that’s the right way to go about it, but when I try to analyze and deep think this part of me never improves. I’m just an easy going non confrontational person that gets social anxiety and makes me not take care of myself sometimes.
was Just curious if anyone had something relatable about this kind of topic thank you