Im 17F, and recently a guy I used to know randomly showed up at my house. I had not spoken to him in over a year, never gave him my address, and didn’t even know he lived near me.
I was bent over getting something from my car in my garage when I suddenly heard someone call my name. I looked up and he was standing in my driveway. My mom also happened to be gone, which is unusual, so the timing made me uncomfortable. When I asked how he found my house, he initially avoided answering. Later he said he lives about two streets south of me and regularly rides his bike past my street to go to the store for his parents. He said he had repeatedly seen my distinctive car at the house, assumed I lived there, and then confirmed it when he saw me sitting in it that day. He claimed he tried waving, I didn’t notice, and he decided to come into the driveway.
After I gave him my number because I was shocked and kinda scared, he started calling me, including around midnight. During one call/text conversation, he asked, “Where have you been?” and said he thought we were supposed to do something that day, even though we aren’t close. He has also told me I should “turn straight” after I mentioned being lesbian.
There is some additional context that concerns me: he has previously shown up outside his girlfriend’s house at night and thrown rocks at her window. I told one of my friends everything. My friend immediately said, “Bro, that’s stalking,” called it “almost harassment,” and said I should contact the police if the guy doesn’t stop. And I stated to think differently about it.
I understand that the guy’s explanation about living nearby and recognizing my car could genuinely be true. At the same time, it feels invasive that someone I hadn’t spoken to for over a year had repeatedly noticed my car, figured out where I lived, and then walked onto my driveway without contacting me first.
Does this sound like stalking, the beginning of potentially obsessive behavior, or just someone with extremely poor boundaries? Would it be reasonable to tell him clearly not to come to my house without permission and block him or is it not that serious
Your friend is right. I would be extremely concerned. Yes, it would be reasonable to do all the things you listed. In addition, definitely let your mom know.
And encourage them to put up cameras if they don't have them already. This guy has a high danger potential.
Wtf. Send one final text to this guy that you are not comfortable with him contacting you and if he contacts you again you’ll be involving law enforcement and then mute him. Do not block him because you want to have a heads up if he goes insane, but don’t engage with his text messages further either. Just keep them for the restraining order you may have to file
He makes you feel uneasy and that’s enough to end the relationship. You do not need a reason other than that. It is 100% OK to be selective in choosing your friends, and to only be friends with people who you enjoy socializing with. It is 100% OK to avoid associating with people who make you feel uneasy, or who stress you, or who scare you in anyway. You do not need justification beyond that. If you are afraid of being direct with him and telling him that you’re really not interested in a relationship of any type, then you can try drifting but since he lives nearby he may come by in person to see why you aren’t responding, in which case you can tell them that you’re busy and don’t really have time.
You’re 17, how old is he? You are lesbian, and he’s there to date you and ignore everything about who you are and your safety. You should be blocking him and warning everyone in your house that he’s come onto the property.
If he lives in your neighbourhood, and you know one another, I don't think it is 'invasive' that he say hi to you if he sees you in person after a long time, even if he walks on your driveway to do so. But him calling / texting you at all hours is inappropriate, unless you indicated that you were open to that. And some things he texted seem inappropriate, as you say you aren't close. If you don't want to communicate / text / see him, or only at certain times, I believe you need to tell him that. Him throwing rocks at his gf's window, not sure what to think about that without more context. You mean big rocks, trying to break it? Or small pieces of gravel, as a prearranged signal to let her know he arrived and she should come out? Back in olden days, when I was a kid, we used to do the latter if we didn't want parents to know we were meeting.
Tell him straight up to leave you alone. Don’t call, don’t show up, leave you alone. If he keeps it up, then it starts becoming stalking.
It's hard to tell where the line is on this one. On the surface, someone living in your neighborhood, who you actually know, recognizing you & stopping to strike up a conversation is perfectly normal. Someone calling and texting you after you gave them your number and continue texting back in ongoing conversations is perfectly normal. The stuff about saying you had plans when you didn't is weird. Saying you should turn straight is offensive. Legally, this wouldn't qualify as stalking or harassment. But since you don't want to keep engaging with him, the first step is to tell him to stop contacting you and not to come to your house without an invitation.
yes, that is stalking. You have no idea if he’s telling you the truth. It sounds like a made up story. No, he followed you home because you’re cute and young and ALONE. Don’t be bamboozled by his stories. You tell him your mother doesn’t want him around. “My parents don’t want you around here anymore and neither do I! don’t come over ever again!”. block his number. you should tell your parents, your neighbors, anyone and everyone that he’s lurking around the neighborhood and you don’t know who he is. do not be alone with him. if you see him coming, go inside lock the doors. if he persists in coming around to your house after you’ve warned him not to, you can then file a police report (US). you should get your parents or guardians on board right now. you shouldn’t be handling this alone.
Try reverse searching him to see if he actually live nearby or just bs-ing. (Truepeoplesearch.com)
Jesus christ, you don't have to talk to ANY person you don't want to. You are under no obligation to be polite, kind, submissive or not want to hurt his feelings bc you've been taught like most of us, to always apologize for existing with our own wants & needs. He sounds like a goddamn incel who's manufactured a relationship in his head. It doesn't matter that you said nothing to lead him on or that your gay, straight or given your heart to Harry Styles- you need to text him straight up: "You are not going to contact me anymore. I DON'T WANT want a friendship with you because I just do not. That's it. Do not contact me again, I WILL NOT speak with you. If you show up, I'll have you trespassed arrested by the sheriff/police/(whatever your city has) because you are then forcing yourself on me. I'm blocking you, I DO NOT want to see, talk to, hear from you in any form and that's final. You DO NOT get an explanation bc I DON'T WANT to. I was polite and you don't give a fuck about my feelings & I DO NOT LIKE YOU. Sorry not sorry but leave me alone. You are blocked, don't push me." If you don't do this hard & give a firm boundary, he won't stop & you'll be an article in people magazine.