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r/ainbow · u/Illustrious_Shoe749627 jul 2026, 19:57

Can I come out after living with straight roommates?

I'm living with three straight roommates in a student dorm/apartment for now because I'm in university far from home and I'm on a budget so cannot really afford to live on my own (in this economy). Now two of them are Africans and one is from muslim background. For context, they're all nice, fun and civilized. Afaik them, I don't think they would mock or say anything if they saw a gay couple outside. They've friends outside their religious social circle. (Actually thanks to my wonderful Asian landlady cuz she really only chooses very nice roommates and checks their background and everything).

We all don't really talk to each other on daily basis and just mind our own business like studying. I don't even see them daily because we all have our own different lives.

I've only come out to my close family like mom, brother, etc. But I was thinking if I should feel comfortable enough to come out after I leave this dorm. I hope they wouldn't mind. Actually I know one of them will be going back to his country after his graduation. And I'm saying this also because I'm still young and a lot of times, i think of being an influencer online so idk what they'll think if they ever found out. I mean it's canada so i know my rights but still.

So I'm asking this because I'm sure there might be other people who would have gone through phases where they were not financially okay or were a student living in a dorm with others. There might be sports players who share locker rooms with other straight guys (and given how homophobic some sports environments are). I'm asking for your experiences. Does that affect your future? Will that affect your coming out experience? Thanks for reading all that, i know it's long and thanks for your advice.

Comentarios

u/scottjl527 jul 2026, 22:56
You don’t associate with them outside of your dorm, you want to come out after you leave the dorm. Why would you care what they think after you are long gone? No need to have a special coming out to them, if they find out some day, who cares?
- u/Illustrious_Shoe7496128 jul 2026, 7:58
  I just hope they wouldn't take it personally or something since I'm living with them. I mean we just share bathroom and kitchen. And they're not even my friends, just some people I've to share apartment with. And the fact two of them are Africans that's why i am kinda concerned. Idk am i overthinking?
  - u/scottjl128 jul 2026, 10:47
u/RedwayBlue128 jul 2026, 0:58
It is freeing to come out to everyone. I wouldn’t overthink it beyond that.
- u/Illustrious_Shoe7496128 jul 2026, 8:00
  That's exactly what i think half the time. I just wanna come out to everyone but then i think what if i just wait a little longer for the right time to come. What if smth bad happens because i live with straight roommates. Am i overthinking? Pls help
  - u/RedwayBlue128 jul 2026, 14:14
u/Legal_Prize_1865028 jul 2026, 7:21
Your instinct to wait until you're out of the shared space isn't paranoia — it's a reasonable read when you're financially tied to a living situation you can't easily leave. The "who cares what they think" answers are well-meaning but skip the real calculus: when you share four walls with people, coming out isn't just an emotional milestone, it changes the day-to-day comfort of the place you sleep, and you can't walk away from an awkward dynamic at 11pm. It sounds like you've actually read your roommates well — nice, minding their own business, one leaving after graduation. I'd trust that read, but still separate "safety" from "comfort": you're clearly safe (Canada, decent people, a landlady who vets), so this is really about how much energy you want to spend managing other people's reactions inside your own home. It's completely fine to let it be a non-event — live your life, and if it comes up, it comes up. For what it's worth, sharing housing with people who turn out to be genuinely fine is a more common queer experience than Reddit makes it seem; the horror stories are just the loud ones. Good luck with the influencer plans too.
- u/Illustrious_Shoe7496228 jul 2026, 7:56
  Yeah well thanks for the AI response. I could've done that too 🫩
u/Legitimate-Wolf-613128 jul 2026, 21:59
Certainly not too long, and your comment makes clear what you are saying. Given what you say about your living arrangements, though, why say anything? I'm not saying you should deny who you are - be yourself - but it doesn't seem like there is much of a reason to even discuss your sexuality with them.