I (29M) broke up with my GF (28F) two months ago and I need advice.

My gf and I broke up a little bit over 2 months ago after a 2.5 year relationship. When we met, we fell in love quickly and had a great time together. After a few months, she brought up the idea of moving in together. I wanted to get my own place first. We looked for an appartment together and I moved into a big appartment last September with the idea that she will move in somtime next year. This fall, we had the idea ov spending 2-3 months abroad. Over the last few months of our relationship, I went into a bad place mentally. I have always had depression and never did anything about it. She noticed me distancing myself emotionally and brought it up. Meanwhile, I was more and more unsure und insecure about my job, myself, my future and our relationship. After a while, I told her about my insecurity and we split.

2 months later, I slowly fell into a deep hole and learned and realized a lot of my own patterns. I immediately went to therapy after the breakup because I noticed something's not right within me and I couldn't figure out what. I learned about some deep rooted patterns and problems within me. I learned that I'm terrified of closeness and intimacy. I learned that I have avoidant attatchment style. I'm working hard to better myself. I hurt her, because I didn't even have the courage to open myself up to her. I've been running from myself for over 10 years. I took her trust, love, energy and time and threw it away. I think retrospectively, the idea of living together and going on a big trip terrified me. I looked for excuses in other things: my job is too stressful, maybe she's not "the one", instesd, I did what I have always done: run from myself. Never would I have thought so much was burried in me.

I wrote her a letter opening myself up, hoping I can give her a little bit of closure and giving her the feeling that it was me and my problems that sabotaged our relationship, not her being not enough. She wrote me a message thanking me for it, wishing me strength, even offering a talk if I need it. I will take that offer in a few weeks when I'm better, if she still feels its right. I want to learn her side and understand better, how I can change and better my negative traits. The hurt and loss of trust on her side must've been immense, and I'm filled with shame, guilt and grief about everything

I also learned about avoidants having delayed grief and retrospecitve idealization of the relationship, and I also think it applies to me.

I know my part, I know I have hurt her a lot. She's not perfect, but she was filled with love and hope. >!​!<

I have three questions: how do I differentiate true feelings from retrospective idealization? Is there a world where two people can honestly talk after such a story and find each other again? If the talk happens and she wants to move on, is there anything really important I can give her on her way or journey?

Thank you, sorry for my English