(25, NB) I'm not wholly sure how to describe this beyond just hating myself, having no care for my own well being or experience, for about as far as I can remember I view the world through a very mechanical lens (X exists to do Y, if it can't, then X serves no purpose and can be tossed away) I'm a creative that's generally failed to be creative, trying my hand at coding, art, writing, with only some progress on writing. I can sometimes get things done if they're projects for friends or loved ones, but I've had little care or interest in things that I want to do, burning out very quickly on any personal projects A side note, I know people are going to suggest therapy, that's a goal, but is not financially viable atm
sounds like you're running on an empty tank trying to fill everyone else's cup first, that'll burn anyone out fast
Wouldn't surprise me, making others happy is easier and more fulfilling than trying to appease my brain's impossible standards, no idea what to do about it though
One thing that helped me was separating achievement from identity. If a drawing sucked, it meant I made a bad drawing not that I was a failure. It sounds obvious, but I spent years treating every unfinished project like evidence against myself instead of just an unfinished project.
I feel like that's something I understand on a logical level, but it still doesn't stop my brain from holding it over my head like I had some massive moral failure
I've found The Artist's Way helpful with this. You don't even have to follow it perfectly. It teaches you to stop with the negative self-talk that makes you give up on creativity before you've really even started. You can download the PDF free, or listen to the audiobook on Spotify (and no doubt other places too). It also just sounds like you're depressed and burned out. Treat that first, and the creativity will naturally tend to come back as you start feeling better.
I'll look into that, thanks