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A friend and I got into an argument in a group chat while discussing an online gaming tournament.
One of the players apparently had work scheduled but, after the first match, said they would need to call out of work with roughly an hour’s notice so they could keep playing. A substitute was available.
I said that calling out at the last minute for a non-emergency gaming event was irresponsible, especially when they could simply use the substitute. My friend disagreed because this was a major tournament and possibly the player’s biggest moment in something they cared about.
The argument then became confused. My friend interpreted my position as: “People shouldn’t take time off work for gaming or other personal activities.” He argued that there was nothing wrong with taking time off for an important passion project as long as it was done properly.
I actually agree with that. I have no problem with someone requesting leave or arranging time off in advance. My point was specifically about calling out on the day with around an hour’s notice, rather than taking approved time off.
I repeatedly tried to make that distinction, but he continued responding as though I was criticizing anyone who takes time off for gaming. He also accused me of refusing to admit I was wrong. From my perspective, he was putting words in my mouth and arguing against a position I had never taken.
The conversation was partly serious and partly aggressive banter, and we both insulted each other. I made exaggerated jokes, and temporarily kicked him from the chat/call for around ten minutes. Later, I told him he would be permanently blocked unless he looked at the full conversation and apologized.
That type of exaggerated threat has sometimes been treated as a joke in our group. However, he says that the kicking, adding and removing him, and threatening to block him crossed a line regardless of whether I was joking.
He also made a Reddit post about the disagreement. I believed the post misrepresented my position by making it sound like I thought people should never call out for personal activities regardless of the circumstances or notice. He says that was genuinely how he interpreted what I had said and that he did not intentionally lie. He also offered to remake the post.
After I showed him the conversation again, he admitted that he had misinterpreted my original point and agreed that calling out at the last minute was different from arranging time off properly. However, he still believes my reaction was completely disproportionate to what he describes as an accidental straw man.
My position is that I was understandably angry because he repeatedly misrepresented me, accused me of refusing to admit I was wrong, and then used a Reddit thread based on that misunderstanding as evidence against me. His position is that it was ultimately just a debate and that none of that justified the threats, kicking, or blocking ultimatum.
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