If you aren't used to male friendships that actually involve vulnerability, affectionate voice notes, and verbal appreciation, getting that kind of warmth from a guy you already respect is like handing a starving person a feast.
I do not like to be the gay wjth the crush on the friend it’s overplayed cliche but it’s happening to me and I just need to vent.
And honestly it feels like a function of me not being used to emotionally open friends.
Anyways for context , I’m 23M and my friend is 25M . And we’ve been friends for around 3 months since I came back to church and sort of gained a new found community and friends in my youth group.
We have the same interests and goals and that’s really the main draw to us. We can spend hours on end describing our futures what we love about being corporate men and overall excitement about what our futures hold. I’ve not had someone I feel so aligned with so it’s refreshing to have such a friend.
Also he’s very earnest and emotionally open, everytime we hangout even if it’s a group hang I’ll get home and find a voice message from him sort of reminiscing and talking about how good it was to spend time with me and how we make such a good team and just frankly how he loves me. All so sweet but onetime he described our play fighting as intimate and I just brushed it off as just a wording thing.
Also when me being gay came up he was so cool with it and that solidified why he’s such a good friend. he didn’t judge me at all or pry and he’s never weird or dismissive when I bring up guys which may be a bare minimum to most but in my experience it’s refreshing.
I am sure he’s straight? Because there was one time we had a group hang and the guys were going in on oh wives and the like and he sort of had an uncomfortable silence the whole time and kind of wanting to change the topic. To which I got home and asked him if he was asexual or something cause he never has something to say but he sort of explained it off as “goals first then relationship “kind of outlook. ( I said the same when I was In the closet but I digress)
All this to say i respect him his sexuality and he’s one of the most effortless male friends I’ve made and i want to maintain that cause in my head im like i don’t want to ruin anything by sort of going after him or revealing my mini crush on him
Like I came to this decision when he talked about how me and him in 10 years will look back and be proud of everything we’ve achieved while holding on to each other and internally I was like that sounds like marriage …. And I sort of pushed away that and said no maybe an eternal friendship is better than fucking things up and making him think I only became close to him with other motives which isn’t true at all.
I just wanted to vent im not gonna make a move I’ll just die inside like I always do and start looking at more actually gay men .
If you aren't used to male friendships that actually involve vulnerability, affectionate voice notes, and verbal appreciation, getting that kind of warmth from a guy you already respect is like handing a starving person a feast.