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r/toddlers · u/Longjumping_Sea_87531 août 2026, 17:00

"Traumatic" consequences while potty training

Asking because I know that kids get distracted playing and the like, often with screens. I've approached it often with reminding the kid I'm training "Let's take a break to go potty." If they say no and really push back, I'll say "Fine, but listen to your body and remember to go potty" and then if they have an accident, the toy/tablet/park trip goes away. You didn't want to take a break, so now it's going to become a bigger inconvenience. Especially as we need to go home to shower and clean up.

I had somebody tell me that this was traumatic to the kid. I'm failing to see how it is. If I don't teach the kid that there's genuine consequences to not listening to their body (losing the toy/tablet time/park time, none of which are basic human rights), how will they learn? They just go "oops you had an accident," clean it up for the kid, and wonder why their kid is still having accidents and can't remember to take a break while playing.

I feel like it would be traumatic if this kid had an accident and lost all their toys or something, but no, it's just whatever was so distracting that they couldn't get to the bathroom for the day. I'm struggling to see how it's trauma. Like, trauma was when my sister had our grandparents and relatives all laugh and my sister and I and call us babies when we had accidents. Not them taking us home from the park early.

Commentaires

u/AutoModerator11 août 2026, 17:00
Author: u/Longjumping_Sea_8753

Post: Asking because I know that kids get distracted playing and the like, often with screens. I've approached it often with reminding the kid I'm training "Let's take a break to go potty." If they say no and really push back, I'll say "Fine, but listen to your body and remember to go potty" and then if they have an accident, the toy/tablet/park trip goes away. You didn't want to take a break, so now it's going to become a bigger inconvenience. Especially as we need to go home to shower and clean up.

I had somebody tell me that this was traumatic to the kid. I'm failing to see how it is. If I don't teach the kid that there's genuine consequences to not listening to their body (losing the toy/tablet time/park time, none of which are basic human rights), how will they learn? They just go "oops you had an accident," clean it up for the kid, and wonder why their kid is still having accidents and can't remember to take a break while playing.

I feel like it would be traumatic if this kid had an accident and lost all their toys or something, but no, it's just whatever was so distracting that they couldn't get to the bathroom for the day. I'm struggling to see how it's trauma. Like, trauma was when my sister had our grandparents and relatives all laugh and my sister and I and call us babies when we had accidents. Not them taking us home from the park early.

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u/Olivia383611 août 2026, 17:04
Its not traumatic at all. Its just the natural consequences. If you were to pee your pants today you’d also have to clean up and go home
- u/Longjumping_Sea_875311 août 2026, 17:04
  That's exactly how I feel! A little crying isn't trauma. Crying is how toddlers communicate and I'm not about to get them acclimated to doing stuff in soiled pants because they didn't want to take a five minute break.
  - u/Olivia383611 août 2026, 17:05
u/Agora546511 août 2026, 17:16
I think people are trying to tell you punishing a kid for having an accident while potty training is probably not the best approach. You are attaching negative feelings and experiences to a difficult new skills they are learning. Punishment generally does not encourage someone to learn something. All it teaches is fear of making a mistake
- u/Longjumping_Sea_875311 août 2026, 17:24
  Then how exactly am I supposed to teach them to listen to their bodies and not get distracted? By…letting them do that without repercussion?
  - u/Agora546511 août 2026, 17:271 réponse
u/pregbob11 août 2026, 17:27
The consequence that I imposed was cleaning up the accident themselves with my help. I had to physically guide my toddler to take the paper towels and touch the floor because she didn't want to do it. It got her full attention and showed a logical result of having an accident without punishment or negative reinforcement. I'm with the other commenter. For us, potty training was a very delicate process that has been really successful and I went way out of my way to not make it negative. They're holding all the cards. I don't think taking a toy or screen away is traumatic, but it probably isn't logical and certainly not natural consequences of having an accident.
- u/Longjumping_Sea_875311 août 2026, 17:29
  If they’re only having accidents with one particular toy or the tablet, which is what I’ve started to find, I’m taking it away until they can use it. Just as I withhold delicate toys until they have the motor skills to use them.
u/InternationalYam313011 août 2026, 17:55
People are mentally unwell themselves and believe that experiancing a negative emotion once is the same as trauma
u/this_wallflower11 août 2026, 18:37
Natural consequences do not have to be a punishment. I think that strategy really depends on the age. A two year old often needs a lot more parental guidance on when to use the toilet. Waiting for them to tell you they need to go is often ineffective. As a kid gets closer to 3 and up, they are old enough to process what happens when they refuse to take a break to use the bathroom. Folks love to use the word trauma anytime they discuss a situation where kids get upset or distressed. Can you traumatize a child during potty training with excessive punishment and shaming? Absolutely. Are you traumatizing your child because they become upset when you establish and hold reasonable boundaries? Absolutely not. Frankly, it’s our jobs as parents to teach kids HOW to manage big feelings, not protect them from experiencing normal feelings that everyone will have from time to time. It’s okay if your kid feels sad or upset sometimes!