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Long story short. Our toddler has been having difficulties sleeping at night with teething. I heard my husband talking to our toddler saying things like ‘you’re not helping yourself’, ‘acting like this (referring to having a fitful sleep and crying) is not useful’, ‘you gotta stop acting out’. When husband asked toddler ‘why are you doing this?’ I got defensive and said ‘toddler is teething’. Husband’s response was to get upset at me for trying to control his and toddlers relationship. He told me that I am having a power struggle. Also husband spent good 10-20 minutes telling me how my reaction was bad in front of our toddler. He later on blamed me for our toddler favoring me over him. Toddler brought me books, makes eye contact with me but didn’t do that to husband today. Supposedly I am not showing a united front. How do yall deal with this? When your husband is saying something that you don’t agree with, do you just let the situation play out without your involvement?
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I don’t think what your husband said was inherently bad or hurtful in anyway. Was it maybe different from something you’d say or how you’d handle the fussiness? Probably, and I imagine thats what made you interject yourself in their interaction. Your husband has his way and you have yours but I do think it can set a precedent for your child that mom will always come running when I’m upset with dad instead of dad letting him figure out what works and doesn’t work on their own.
It sounds like he’s set to become your child’s first bully if you let him. This requires a sit down conversation with him out of earshot of your kid so that you can both be on the same page about how you’re going to keep your child’s self esteem and confidence intact through childhood.
That wouldn’t fly in my household but I’m teaching my husband how to do the “Tiny Humans, Big Emotions” style of parenting which is a lot of coregulation, every-feeling-is-valid, I’m-here-for-you-when-you-need-me type of parenting