hi guys. I've been thinking about me being somewhere in the bisexual spectrum, but im afraid of it.
Im a woman and I've always liked men, but I also thought about the possibility of dating women. However, this thought terrifies me more than I want to admit.
For sometime I thought I had a crush on my best friend. We're childhood best friends and she's everything to me. We even had a friendship wedding a few years ago. We call each other "wife" time to time, but she got a boyfriend. I remember when they started talking and she always said "he's like you in some ways lmfao is like you two have the same spirit". And I remember MYSELF saying "if I had a boyfriend he has to be like her" .
She's the one that made me question it, and I can't help but admit that if she was into women I would definitely be down for her. But I'm afraid that if I ever loudly admit to myself that I like her that way, my life is going to be ruined. she will never like me that way and im just going to end up hurt. I don't want to ruin what we have between us.
Also, I think I have internalized homophobia. I don't mind other people being gay, I mean, it's their life. But for me is different. Is like is forbidden for me. It doesn't help the fact that my family are Christian protestants who are very much homophobic, so unfortunately i lowkey absorbed it. But i will never judge other people that's for sure
Last thing I need to say, when I imagine myself with other women, I feel quite bad; my subconscious sees it as me "cheating" on my best friend. But only happens with women.
So yeah, me liking men is pretty much undeniable to me. I know I like men, but idk if i like women or if i just like my best friend.
Any advice or wtv would be very much helpful.
Sorry for any grammatical mistake, english is not my first language