I (34F) am moving out tomorrow and I have an appointment with a divorce lawyer on Monday. My marriage is over.
My wife (32F) had agreed to see (another) therapist about her obsession with cosmetic surgery. But I found out she stopped going after a few appointments and tried to hide that from me. She also about cancelling her appointment with the surgeon who was going to do her buccal fat removal. I found out about both lies (stopping therapy and not cancelling the appointment) on the same day.
I don't care if I'm overreacting or being a horrible person. I don't even recognize her anymore. I can't explain it but she looks strange. I'm not the only one who is worried. Her family and friends are concerned too but my wife won't listen to anyone. Her cousin is in the armed forces and didn't recognize my wife after years of being away because of how different she (my wife) looks. I don't care if people think I'm shallow but it's not about looks/appearance. My wife is obsessed with cosmetic surgery and it's hard to have a conversation with her because she can't stop talking about her own appearance. Our financial situation is a mess because of this but I'm fortunate to have a job with the provincial government so I can afford to move out on my own. Just before I posted my wife started using this cream call tret and now her face is always shiny. Like she is sweating. It looks awful (and I'm not the only one who says this) but my wife can't see even see it because she's so far gone. I love her but after she lied it was the last straw.
TL;DR - My (34F) wife (32F) has had a forehead reduction, a blepharoplasty, a nose job, veeners, and a jaw reduction. Now she wants to have buccal fat removal. She also started using a cream called tret which makes her face shiny and is talking about starting botox and lip filler. She looks unrecognizable, and everyone is worried about her but she won't listen to us. Her obsession has destroyed our marriage and I'm done.
It's a brave thing of you to do. We're not talking about obsessions here. It's an addiction, since it affected her relationships and probably finances too. An addict will do anything to maintain their addiction. They lie and promise they get better. You did everything you could. Listened, got her help. You did your best and still they didn't change. It's not being an asshole. It's not giving up. It's moving on from a broken relationship.
Sorry man. That's bleak. You're making the right decision though. She's fighting an uphill battle that might not end until she's gone. Aging is a blessing. You deserve to grow old with someone who will do that happily. Wishing you the best.
I don't blame you one bit. Plastic surgery is a horrible thing to do to yourself and always ends up looking uncanny valley strange. I would divorce as well!
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Cut your losses. It’s a problem that will only become more expensive in the long run.
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I don't think you're shallow or a scumbag. You tried to help her, you accepted that she had a problem she needed help for. The reason you're leaving isn't because of her appearance (even if it factors into it), it's because she lied multiple times, gave up on getting help, caused financial issues and you can't imagine a future where she gets better because you've been given no evidence of that happening. It's just like addiction to drugs or alcohol. Plus, I don't know if you want or have children, but if you do or plan to, a child growing up in an environment where one of their parents has a harmful addiction to surgery and intense body image issues isn't healthy and it could end up spreading to the kid... Then you'll have a lot more problems in your hands and you'll be stuck in a cycle of misery, watching your wife destroy herself, giving your life to something that doesn't make you happy. You only have one life.
I feel so sorry for you, but this might be a cause of long-term trauma from bullying due to someone's appearance. I recommend reaching out to her about why she really does this
this might be a cause of long-term trauma from bullying due to someone's appearance. I recommend reaching out to her about why she really does this
Tell us didn't read either post without telling us you didn't read either post.
Did you even read OP's first post or her update?
You’re each going your separate ways so what’s the issue
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I think you need to have an intervention with her family there too. Tell her she’s destroyed your marriage, your finances, and she’s destroying herself. She’s adduced to plastic surgery and needs to be seeing a therapist or psychologist. So sorry for you too go through this
Did you even read OP's first post or her update?