I know it's stupid, I'm a 19yr guy and have never been in a relationship so what the hell could I have to say, but idk man, I'm just so scared.
I just have this feeling that I'm so replaceable, that no one would ever actually choose to be with me because I'm genuinely the person they wanna be with, but because I'm "all they can get," there's someone else they'd rather be with, or maybe they'd prefer if they were still with an ex, that a past relationship was better, and they wish they still had it, that's just really scary to me. I just want a lifelong relationship with someone, all I want is to be special to someone, and I'm just not sure I ever will.
And I'm terrified of having multiple relationships, the idea of being just "a chapter in someone's life" or "a stepping stone so they can learn and meet someone better" hurts me so much, and I know this is just reality and how it has to happen. my heart says: "I want to give one person everything and spend the rest of my life with them." My head says: "Statistically, people break up, divorce, move on, and love more than one person." That's really really upsetting. I'm scared of relationships ending. I know that it's still possible that I can get lifelong love, I'm just scared of everyone that I'd have to be with before I get there, all of the relationships I thought were "the one" that end, all of the people that I wanted to spend my life with now being "Just someone I knew." and it upsets me that my partner was with someone else, loved someone else, cuddled with someone else, cooked with someone else, and wanted to build a life with someone else, all of those things make me so uncomfortable, and I feel like such an asshole because they didn't do anything wrong, they didn't even know me, but all of those thoughts, they make me feel so bad and like love isn't special, our love isn't special, and I think that's a reason why everything so far scares me, because I always imagined that love is special, but in reality it's not, people love all of the time, that's why they have multiple relationships, and that's just incredibly upsetting, something so special to me is just ordinary, it breaks my heart man.