I was really taken by this first sentence: “I would like a strong and independent woman as a partner. But if she is already strong and independent, why would she want to date someone like me?” I have spoken to a lot of my guy friends about the benefit of not only reading but reading fiction and literature. I still balk a bit at the framing of the loneliness epidemic, however I do like the idea of guys coming together, reading and talking about the book they chose. I have seen a lot of these Book Club for Men around the world, so I'm curious how you feel about reading fiction with guys in mind?
Show me fiction written with guys in mind and I'll read it. Show me a club where we talk about that fiction and I might attend. However, most of the stuff they sell in book stores is for women, and a lot of that is romance, and so I'm not going to visit these places. I'm an interactive fiction author. I must write loads and loads of romance in order to get published, let alone sell more than a dozen copies of my games. I don't want to spend my time reading even more of that stuff, and I certainly don't want to attend a book club where people gush about it, especially when it's clearly not meant for me.
The irony being is one of most prominent reasons a woman would want to date them is because they want and in theory respect and value their independence. There is an old saying I am paraphrasing that says an unexamined life isn’t worth living and an examined life is painful. Same for a relationship with a peer instead of a dependent. The fact you are interested is in a strong independent partner is in itself attractive.
I...don't really like the logic here. Idk,the encouragment of self deprecating thoughts like this rubs me the wrong way.
When it comes to men reading fiction, I think it's important to understand why men do other things than read fiction. Like, what do video games do that books do not? What do movies do that books do not? I can't say this for all men, but when I think about books I really liked, I think it was tbe emotional honesty of the characters that stick with me. The Handsmaid Tale is a great example of this, where the character is NOT a great heroine, rebel, or Saint. She's basically trying to get by and gets dragged into all kinds of shit. The ending of the book is the most surprising part for me...but that's why I like it. Haruki Murakami books, imo, are also very emotionally honest about men. I think the fact that protagonists actually talk about their bones, sexual attraction, and do so in an almost blunt way, while expressing a desire for emotional intimacy at the same time really helps me feel like these guys are men I know. The sort of chaotic contrast between thr sort or raw non-erotic desires the characters have and their very human emotional states throughout Murakami novels feels...really human, in a very cis-man way. It does lecture you, or try to aesthetician your complexity. The trauma of the main male characters feels heavy but the source is never quite clear - in other words, Murakami's men are very recognizable, much like how Atwood's women feel human. Video games are pretty emotionally honest too. There's a reason why men fuck with Kratos so much, given he's incredibly flawed and treated as human - no lecturing from anyone about him. -- Also as for the strong independent women comment, I think many men still subtly feel like they need a woman. They won't say it, but if you look at most male heroic fiction "getting the girl" is always seen as the cherry on top that makes the whole journey worth it. Even today, many male spaces are organized around frustration with the other gender. Perhaps admitting we need each other, even platonically, would be a good start.