for one, watch the phrasing. You mean “cis man”, not “real man.” Trans men are real men.
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I’m ftm 16, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be a real man/transition. My dysphoria is all fake and I bet I wouldn’t even want to be a man…. My cause for “dysphoria” is me wanting to be a man, not me actually being one… there’s a difference, I’m not truly trans, I’m just a woman who wants to be a man. It doesn’t matter how envious I make myself of real men, I’ll never be one. My brain structure is female even if I hate it. All my “intrusive thoughts” can’t all possibly be ocd, it’s just what my brain wants since I’m a girl and I should just accept it… if I was a real man, why would I realize later in life? Why would I feel that I don’t deserve a man’s body/that it wouldn’t fit me? Sure I might not have other motives for transitioning, I’m not traumatized, I don’t have body dysmorphia, I’m not even masculine, and that’s because I just wanted to be a man, probably from influence I didn’t even realize. I’m been “scared I like my body” recently because I find myself attractive but maybe it’s realization I’m faking. I’m so miserable as a woman, I attempted multiple time because I “felt like one”. I don’t know what to do, therapy can’t really help because they aren’t going to make me a cis man and I can’t transition due to my parents
for one, watch the phrasing. You mean “cis man”, not “real man.” Trans men are real men.
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Sounds like you need to take a few deep breathes and stop the negative self talk. You're hurting yourself here. I promise you a queer friendly therapist would absolutely help you.
Wanting to be a man makes you a man. Men are told that having emotions is “weak” or “girly” or whatever because of toxic masculinity standards that arose in the late 20th century. Men have emotions too. Abusive systems of control want you to think otherwise, so don’t believe those.
You’re 16. Take a little more time to enjoy this time in your body. You’re dead in the center of puberty so your hormones are going bonkers. It might be a good idea to take some time off social media. I’m sure you see stuff about trans people every day and that is only fueling these thoughts and making you feel worse.
Take a little more time to enjoy this time in your body.
What terrible, heartless, impossible advice to give a trans teenager without access to transition.
Are you incapable of empathy?
He's hurting, suffering, and you tell him to enjoy it?
That's actually just kind of insane to say to someone who's kinda going through an imposter syndrome induced mental breakdown.
I get caught up in the intellectual trap of if I'd ever be a real woman if I transitioned. But ultimately, I find the question to a certain extent irrelevant. I am trying to figure out how to be most comfortable in my body and live a meaningful life. Whether I actually eventually inhabit womanhood, or merely would be a man on estrogen presenting as a woman, if it meaningfully improves my quality of life it would seem to be a valid choice if I went down that path. Let's take your logic. Let's say, no matter what you do, you will always be a woman. But if you live as a man, present as a man, and are seen and treated by the world as a man, does it really matter? Even under this strict logic, you become a "de facto man", even if you would not qualify as a "de jure man". You inhabit and embody manhood. Talk it over with other people. You might not be able to reach the conclusion that you would ever be a real man, and that's okay for now. I know I've done huge amounts of research and no matter what I read I can't fathom myself every actually being a woman. And yet I am still considering transition. So for now, my advice would be to set aside the question of real or pretended maleness. Focus on what you feel comfortable doing and what makes you feel better and more like yourself. You don't have to attach any labels to it if you don't want to and if you don't feel ready doing it. You can be a woman with an internal masculine nature and who is drawn to manhood. You can explore masculinity and masculine things. And you don't have to get caught up in the trap of "real" or "fake", "man" or "woman". Those are my thoughts, at least.
You are not masculine? So what? Can't a man be feminine? Can't a woman be masculine? Scared in your body? What do you mean? Like a bad juju? Or something else? You attempted multiple times because you "felt like one"? What do you mean? Late in life? At only 16? Don't make me laugh, the "if you don't know since you well very little then you are faking it" is a myth. Few really know their real sense of gender identity so soon beyond "Now that I think of it, I always felt different to the other kids of my AGAB somehow".
I was upset I felt like a girl/scared I was one
My brain structure is female even if I hate it.
People with female brain structures don't want to be men. Look at my flair and consider how I might know this.
Women don't write the things you have written here.
I know you're hurting... Honestly, it hurt me to read what you wrote because it struck very close to home. The things you say are things all trans people feel in our darker moments. And those 'moments' are frequently years...
But even if you cannot transition now, I think you should hope for it, and plan for it as soon as it seems possible.
I would really, REALLY like to encourage you to see a therapist. Mainly because I'm coping with a lot of the same thoughts you are, and my therapist is helping me to realize most of these negative feelings are your brain being afraid of transition and trying to protect you with criticism before other people can do it to you so it hurts less. You might not be the same as me, but you sound like you could really use someone to talk to to help you sort out what is anxiety and what is dysphoria. They're big complex feelings. There's no shame in getting help to untangle them.
"I'm just a woman who wants to be a man" Sounds like you're "truly trans" to me.
Therapy CAN help if it's someone with skill and experience with dysphoria. You are throwing around a bunch of untrue things that you have been told, and I think you know that. You don't have to accept that you will never be a real man because that's not true. You can transition to live as a man, even if it means waiting until you can. You seem to be in an unsafe place to be, and I'm sorry. You have only encountered a tiny corner of the world, and it sucks that this corner hates who you are. You can start planning for the future, which might mean separation from family causing you all this pain. Can you pick up a job or earn money in your free time and save it away? Ultimate it's up to you where and how you transition, but the way that you feel is not how cisgender people feel. Dysphoria of this kind means that there is a man inside you that is trying to be known and seen and understood.
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