This frustrates me on so many levels. I'm a virgin man, older than the Steve Carrell movie at this point and that alone is frustrating than most people realize but add in having to deal with people's preconceived notions is something I have little patience for.
'Incel' is just a label people use to insult and degrade men and to be clear, this isn't me supporting incel ideology. I find it repulsive, stupid and whole fully fallacious that deserves the scorn it gets . I don't and can't adhere to it the same way an adult can't believe in the Easter Bunny. About 20 years ago when I was in college and depressed about a nasty rejection, I fell into an online space that would be called incel today. The first day I felt like I belong and mostly observed and listened to other men say some genuinely fucked up things about women, but I was upset and didn't care. Second day after I calmed down I was having too many issues with the rape fantasies and extreme power dynamics between men and women presented. By the third day, I realized this wasn't for me and just left. I don't remember the name of the site or how I even found it, I think someone on gamefaqs. com
networked me into it but I can't remember.
With that said, I'm trying to paint a picture that I am in no way supporting those kind of views but it doesn't matter because people always inevitably attach them to me. In both online and in real life (which is far less common) I get pegged with being an incel when someone finds out I'm an adult virgin. This wouldn't be a problem by itself, but it often comes with preconceived notions that vary from person to person. Ex: I complain about being a dateless virgin with a 100% rejection rate just getting a first date. That info alone is enough to have people conclude that I hate women, that I support Andrew Tate and misogyny, sometimes even going as far as saying I'm a rapist and abuse women, two things that logically can't even go with someone who is a dateless virgin.
And the most controversial take of this is that's it's often women who aggressively make these claims. Whenever I talk about this online, there are always women who swarm in and just berate and insult ENDLESSLY about my male privilege, how men kill and abuse women and whatever else they can imagine. Doesn't matter if I'm in a space created for men, women will be there. And this is horrible, I'm not down with it, but at the same time what does it have to do with me? I never physically abused a woman, knocked her up and refused to acknowledge the child , torment her , giver her an STD, etc.