Hi
I'm home looking at the walls in my room again, I've been doing it for 29yrs of my life now. My bday is coming in a few days and I'm losing it. I never expected myself to be here after 27. I have never been happy really, since I can remember I always wanted not to be here.. I think I might've been born that way I always wanted to be someone else, run away or just fucking die. What used to hold me here was the fact that I wanted to know if my friends are going to be okej, I wanted to see how their life will be but now I know and there isn't anything for me to look forward to. I know I'm the only one that can get myself out of this fucking depression but I hate myself and I have no power in me to help me.